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February 27th, 2017


12:00 pm - My tweets

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February 26th, 2017


12:00 pm - My tweets
  • Sat, 18:35: I'm just surprised Trump didn't say it would be the bigliest one yet!
  • Sun, 01:44: RT @jaketapper: I imagine it must be really annoying when someone puts out false info about where you were born. Must really bother you!!…

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February 25th, 2017


12:00 pm - My tweets
  • Fri, 14:16: It's kind of like we're in Act I of The Music Man, with less trombones.

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February 24th, 2017


12:00 pm - My tweets
  • Thu, 12:16: "The Batman" is definitely what your mom would call it. "Are you going to tweet about The Batman to your little friends on The Facebook?"
  • Thu, 13:35: RT @TeaPainUSA: Paul Ryan and the GOP are workin' hard to give us more health care choices, such as "open casket", "closed casket" or "crem…
  • Thu, 18:42: BREAKING: Caitlyn Jenner cares, now that it applies to her. https://t.co/V3W9zgpQaW
  • Fri, 09:59: RT @AlisonLeiby: GOP thinks what bathroom people use should be up to the states, not feds. They should go even smaller, leave it up to the…
  • Fri, 10:15: I get it! You can spew hatred at an *entire group* of people, based on, say, race. You just can't say mean words to an *individual* nazi.
  • Fri, 10:51: Close only counts in horseshoes and me not having to cross La Brea. #LosAngeles #WestSide

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February 23rd, 2017


12:00 pm - My tweets

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February 22nd, 2017


12:00 pm - My tweets
  • Tue, 17:36: Opportunity knocks but once. Your mom just walks right in.
  • Tue, 18:47: If you're gonna justify supporting an abuser, can you at least pick a better artist than Chris Brown? I suggest John Lennon, Dr Dre, Eminem.
  • Wed, 11:08: *Run* the country and *ruin* the country only differ by Trump's favorite letter.
  • Wed, 11:15: Spicer says Trump won't watch The Oscars. But he'll totally still live-tweet his reactions.

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February 21st, 2017


12:00 pm - My tweets

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February 20th, 2017


12:00 pm - My tweets
  • Sun, 13:04: Congrats, you've pissed off Fox News.

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February 19th, 2017


12:00 pm - My tweets
  • Sat, 14:33: RT @birbigs: People on twitter demanding comedians only tell jokes: What... is... the deal... with the president committing treason?
  • Sat, 14:52: The world is full of people blinded by religion. Thomas Dolby is the only guy I know blinded with science.
  • Sat, 17:21: Pro Tip: Holding it in 'cause you're too lazy to walk to the bathroom is an EXCELLENT way to strengthen your kegels.
  • Sat, 17:34: At least in the Middle Ages, people knew they were uneducated.
  • Sat, 21:16: The only time I've ever felt truly unwanted is at a bar without purse hooks.

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February 17th, 2017


12:00 pm - My tweets
  • Thu, 15:23: You can't erase the past. You can only erase an important voicemail and realize later that you forgot to write down all the info.
  • Thu, 15:36: RT @pollyanna2017: The nice thing about 2017 is it's finally socially acceptable to hate people based on who they voted for.
  • Thu, 16:40: I can't imagine what terror I'd have to be facing to scream as loudly as children at recess.
  • Thu, 18:04: California is still at risk for a severe drought in years to come, but it's ok 'cause we'll all have drowned by the… https://t.co/016VwCXsfV
  • Fri, 11:35: #JustinTrudeau 's birthday got me like https://t.co/rhvn83GHVk

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